9 “Pain Free” Breakup Tips That Make Moving On Easy (& Get You Laid Again Right Away)





When to Break Up… And the Best Way to Do It To Get Laid Again RIGHT AWAY…

Click Here to Discover 7 Secret “Sex Signs” She’s H*rny & DTF (That Most Men Miss)…

I’m going to be honest with you:

I’ve been in a lot of relationships.

And because of my profession, I’ve studied even more.  So I’ve seen it all…

And I’ve never seen a relationship that stays in the honeymoon phase.

Or a relationship that never has a single disagreement.

Now, that’s not to say that people don’t stay happy and in love…

But it does mean that the “can’t keep our hands off each other” and “banging like bunnies” phase is not going to last forever…

Which is fine — you can keep having amazing sex as your relationship matures and changes and deepens…  😉

CONTROVERSIAL VIDEO: These Subtle Touch Tricks Get Her Soaking Wet, Naked & On Top of You In Bed (Even If You’re “Just Friends” Right Now)!

But… it also means that it’s hard to tell when it’s just not new and SUPER hot anymore… 

And when you’re actually done with her and ready to move on to the next hot woman…

Because if you’re staying in a relationship that’s past it’s expiration date… you’re missing out on sex today and tomorrow…

And every single day that you stay with the wrong woman.

So, that’s what I want to address in today’s video:

How can you tell if you’re ready to break up OR if your relationship has just hit a slump…

(Also, EXACTLY how to break up with her to avoid any crazy girl drama!)

9 “Pain Free” Breakup Tips That Make Moving On Easy (& Get You Laid Again Right Away)

Watch the video above to find out…

9 “Pain Free” Breakup Tips That Make Moving On Easy (& Get You Laid Again Right Away)

In this video, I reveal exactly how to tell when it’s time to break up:

  • The #1 thing you should NEVER do… because it puts you back at square one in the breakup game. (Most guys do this as soon as she cries…)

  • 9 ways to break up with her SO nicely… that she will call you later for an “ex sex” session… (Or play wingwoman for you with her hot friends…)

  • The simple test that will help you tell the difference between “good silence” and “bad silence”… the sooner you can tell the difference, the sooner you can avoid a “sex strike”

  • My 5 question checklist  will tell you definitively if you should dump her TODAY

  • Discover the EASIEST way to tell if you’re ready to move on… and why it’s ALSO a simple secret that makes meeting and dating new hot girls easier than ever

9 “Pain Free” Breakup Tips That Make Moving On Easy (& Get You Laid Again Right Away)

How To Move On To Your Next Relationship…

You’re a good guy. You coulda just walked out, or even worse gone with another girl behind her back.

But you didn’t. The fact you’re here shows you wanted to let her down gently. And hey…who wants to deal with tears and tantrums!

But now you’re a free man…what’s next?

Well, now it’s time to get your eyes wide open and start noticing things you never have before.

Like, the hot women everywhere who are already into you…

and all the options you ACTUALLY have (trust me you have more options than you think).

Rather than jumping into a relationship with whatever woman will take you, I want you to do things differently…

I want you to take a look at your options, and CHOOSE which of these options suits YOU best.

Remember, YOU’RE the gift here.

I want you to choose a woman you find attractive, who’s fun to be around, who will treat you right, and help you grow as a man while you help her grow as a woman.

No more settling…

When you can recognize the signs a woman already wants you, you’ll skip out on any rejection, get more phone numbers, dates, hookups…

And land the kind of girl you’ve always wanted.

Click here right now and discover simple ways to tell if a woman is interested in you.

HOT 140 Views

The post 9 “Pain Free” Breakup Tips That Make Moving On Easy (& Get You Laid Again Right Away) appeared first on Gotham Club.

Is Your Ego Killing You?


Being narcissistic isn’t just bad for social relationships. Having an ego could kill you.

In a study released earlier some time ago, researchers found that certain types of narcissism can lead to higher risks for cardiovascular disease and heart attacks, and could make it more difficult to survive other diseases such as cancer or diabetes.

“We generally see narcissism as a personality trait that’s bad for others but not narcissists,” the study’s co-author Sara Konrath said in a USA Today story.

An assistant research professor at the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research, Konrath told the USA Today the study was a way of “getting under their skin to see if there are physical consequences.”

And it seems, according to researchers’ results, that men are more negatively affected by narcissism than women.

A 40-plus question survey was given to 106 college-aged students — 79 women and 27 men, with an average age of around 20. The survey measured five areas of narcissism and also measured cortisol levels in saliva of the students.

While some of the components of narcissism can be healthy, the fragile views narcissists have of themselves can actually lead to increased stress levels, defensive actions and aggression.

There is no doubt we all need to have at least some self-esteem, but too much of a good thing obviously can be bad for a variety of reasons.

I’ve never considered myself a narcissist, but do people actually admit to that? I’ve seen my fair share of folks who appear to have narcissistic traits, and I’ve always wondered what led them to that point.

You know the people I’m thinking of … the ones who constantly have to one-up you on every story, experience or item you have — their cars are better, their food is better, their clothing is better, their dog is better.

These days, though, either narcissists are on the rise or social media sites like Facebook are bringing out the worst of the worst of us all. There certainly are varying degrees of narcissism, and it truly can be a severe disorder.

Anymore, I look at the pictures and messages friends post on Facebook and wonder why anybody cares to know some of those things, or why people even broadcast to such large audiences about simple, inane things with their family, their job and their life.

Nine times out of 10, I consider leaving a snarky comment on a post where a self-absorbed Facebook friend explains to the world about a new work project or that a child used a toilet. But that’s probably fodder for another column, eh?

On some level, however, we all are narcissists, and people were narcissists before the Internet was even an idea. Some careers even lend themselves to allowing people to become narcissists — television and movie actors, television reporters and anchors, and professional athletes.

Many celebrities build brands around their narcissism and profit from it.

While it is healthy to be proud of your accomplishments and tell them to close family and friends, there is a fine line between sharing good news and making one’s self the focal point of every situation.

Step away from the mirror and tell somebody besides yourself how much you appreciate them before your ego kills you.

If Growing Up Means Not Enjoying Life, Count Me Out.


At about four weeks shy of my 29th birthday, I never imagined I’d still be considered “young and idealistic.”

But that’s exactly what a friend called me in an e-mail where I listed some “dream” jobs of mine — you know, places you’d just love to work for, but know you’re way past your prime or out of your league.

I was a bit taken aback by the remark, but am almost certain it was meant to be sarcastic.

Still, part of me took the comment as though I am too young to know what life is about.

This isn’t the first time I’ve felt that someone older than I was attempting to school me on life. And I’m certain it won’t be the last.

I’m not sure how seniority somehow automatically gives a person the upper hand about the inner workings of life, but I’m almost positive nobody has the answers to life.

In the interest of not sounding cocky, I must admit that I do respect many folks who have a few (or several) years on me in life. But let’s face it, age doesn’t necessarily give somebody the answers.

In fact, rarely do I consider age a factor in determining who I consider a role model. But I find that many folks older than I am refuse to acknowledge that anybody younger than them could not only be more successful, but offer a better insight into something.

It’s sort of reverse age discrimination. Just because I haven’t yet cracked 30 doesn’t mean I’m some blow-off.

People scoff at my obsession with Mario Bros. (the game and collectibles), my love of cartoons, ‘90s sitcoms and Disney movies. They poke fun of my childlike love of Christmas, amusement parks and mini-golf.

But I wouldn’t change my outlook on any of those things. And when I’m 40, 50 or older, I hope to still keep my child-like side alive.

It balances well with the rest of who I am.

I consider myself extremely successful in life — I’ve got a very rewarding career, which has offered me chances I never dreamed imaginable; my volunteer work allows me to come in contact with cancer survivors and their families who have shown me that it is vital to appreciate the finer points of life in order to have a fulfilling life; and I’m surrounded by loving family and friends.

These are experiences that I never would trade in to follow the life someone older than me thinks I should live.

During a conversation with a man who is nearing retirement, he said how he plans to volunteer with organizations upon leaving work. In doing so, he told me how I, some day, also will venture to seeing how important it is to help others. It was then I informed him that for two consecutive years, I have spent more than 1,000 hours each year volunteering for the American Cancer Society.

Saying he was shocked was an understatement. Here was this man — probably between 55 and 60 with a great career — and had just recently understood the value of volunteering. He spent so much of his life looking out only for himself and realizing how very unrewarding that was. So when I told him how much I not only love my career but also my volunteer work, he really had no idea how to reply.

I’m not saying that, at 28, I have all of the answers to a successful life — nobody does. I’m also not expecting everybody to marvel over my accomplishments.

But there’s something to be said for being able to acknowledge that — barring anything completely stupid or illegal — no matter what our age, youthful idealism isn’t such a bad thing…especially when tempered by the notion of helping others outside ourselves.

In fact, a outlook like that could create one incredibly beautiful world.

Money Changes Everything: Can You Put a Price on Passion?


In her awkward, somewhat raspy voice, singer Cyndi Lauper made popular the line, “money changes everything,” in her 1983 “She’s So Unusual” album release.

While the song might be nothing more than a flashback to the 80s, that phrase — and lyrics to the song — continue to find their way into the social lives of people every day, especially as the country’s economy seems to be flushing out the middle class.

Love, family and friendships become victims of money’s cruel grasp on people’s lives, as some believe a hefty bank account and materialistic things outweigh relationships.

Others spend so much time working just to earn a basic living, they fail to have enough time for family, friends and love.

How has money changed you?

I’ve seen friendships fade because one claims to make a strategic, never again offered job change, only later to become inundated with buying anything and everything of the latest and failing to offer enough time for people.

Suddenly, lavish items, trips and expensive restaurants are all the rage. Social circles change and before you know it, a Wall Street-esque approach is applied to friendships.

We’ve all been around family gatherings where one cousin-brother-uncle-aunt-sister-distant in-law’s job and/or finances become the subject of a holiday dinner or summer picnic — whether they earn hundreds of thousands of dollars or are barely getting by.

Money is a touchy subject among husbands and wives, families, friends and even with children.

My parents always fought over money, and continue to do so. Sometimes it’s as simple as arguing over where to eat dinner.

I’ve never been infatuated with money. Money doesn’t buy me love, friendship or family.

While some replace shoes, shirts and Apple products as they go out of style, I try to get as much use out of any item as I can manage. Clearance racks at Target are better than any sale rack at Macy’s, in my opinion.

Instead of focusing on money, I’ve focused on passion, pride and love. Everybody thinks they deserve a bigger paycheck. People always assume a co-worker or some other person is making more than they deserve.

Yet, I don’t bother to think about making more money. Most of the time, anyway.

I focus on passion and determination. My reward in a job comes from knowing I put forth my best effort and made a difference.

Case in point, my volunteer work. In each of the last two years, I spent more than 1,000 hours volunteering for the American Cancer Society. That’s a total of 2,000 hours I never received a paycheck for or earned any sort of stipend. That’s 2,000 hours I could have spent sleeping, at a part-time job or any number of other self-serving activities.

My reward in volunteering is greater than any paycheck. My reward in having accountable, dependable, honest friends is better than any paycheck. Having family close by is better than any paycheck.

It seems, however, some make choices based on money earned. They care little about a well-rounded quality life spent with humans — whether they be family, friends or volunteering. For them, a bigger paycheck means a newer computer more often, a bigger and more expensive wardrobe, five-star cuisine on a regular basis and much more.

I may not have much in terms of a thriving bank account or materialistic things to one-up somebody with, but my passion, pride and drive come naturally. I didn’t pay a penny for my determination or to know what’s most important in life.

When I think about how money does change everything, I — for better or for worse — think about the song made popular by Lauper.

Romance: Too Much to Ask For?


I think that’s one of my least favorite phrases in the English language.  It declares defeat before you’ve even tried to succeed.  And very rarely, if ever, do we manage not to hope.  Even in the most terrible situations, or when the odds are truly stacked against us—we hope.

Unfortunately, many of us are surrounded by cynicism and negativity.  We turn on the television, pick up the newspaper, or even when we read a book, everything points in one direction—the world is a bad place.  If you expect too much out of it, you’re bound to be disappointed.

Don’t get your hopes up.

Unfortunately, the same idea exists when talking about relationships, romance, and love.  Even if you’re just talking about what you hope to find in a potential boyfriend, people do not hesitate to shoot you down before you have a chance to even daydream a little about what he might look like and where you’ll meet.

Seemingly innocent statements like, “I want to find a nice guy, who treats me well and has a nice sense of humor,” is often met by rebuttals of “Good luck with that, honey,” “Keep dreaming,” and the ever cryptic, “That’s what every woman says she wants—but girls never actually go after nice guys.”

So not only will I never find that nice, well-mannered guy who can crack a joke, but I’m also a liar for saying that that’s what I want in the first place.

No wonder no one knows what the hell they want.  As soon as you express your opinion, everyone tells you that you’re wrong.

Romance, it seems, is simply unattainable. The very idea that a guy, or a girl, would admire you from afar, strike up the courage to ask you out, and the two of you would get together and develop a healthy, long lasting relationship just doesn’t seem to hold weight anymore.  It belongs in Fairy Tales and books—sometimes to me it feels as if it’s gained a kind of mythical status unto itself.

I think that’s due to our somewhat jaded culture, fed by reality shows filled with trashy people doing terrible things to one another; using sex as nothing more than a tool for pleasure and manipulation.  In conjunction with a media that finds glory in divorces and break-ups, one can’t help but just feel sad…and it makes you think, well, maybe that’s just how it is.

And if you don’t accept that, you’ll have no one else but yourself to blame.

I’m young.  I’m a college aged girl who is still financially dependent on her folks.  I’m supposed to be wide-eyed and naïve.  My rose colored glasses ought to be intact at least until my first year of grad school.

Yet, I dread the idea of a relationship; because in my mind it encompasses all things negative.  A loss of freedom, a loss of self, stress, worry, fear, rejection, disappointment…

But when you vocalize these fears and worries that have been so graciously bestowed upon you by seemingly everything you see and everyone you talk to (I do enjoy the frequent relationship horror stories some are so eager to share), people either agree with you, or are very very angry with you.  “How could you say that?  It’s not that bad!  Don’t you want to find a boyfriend?  Or have a big white wedding?  And make lots and lots of babies?”

And yet when you tell them of your hopes and dreams, what you’d maybe like to find in a future spouse, they shake their head and pity you like you’re some kind of fool.  I don’t understand.  I’m supposed to fall in love without romance, with and marry a man who might have a good sense of humor but doesn’t treat me well?

That is the message I feel as though has been communicated to me since I started dating.  Find a guy.  Date for a while.  Move in together.  Get married.  Have kids.  But don’t get your hopes up.  Not for anything special.

Because that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

And when you demand more than that, you’re foolish, you’re unrealistic, and you are bound to be disappointed.  After all, who knows how many husbands you turned away on your mystic quest to find romance and true love?

So…what the hell is a girl supposed to do?

On one hand, I dread relationships because of how they are made out to be so very often; shallow, painful, a mere shell of what the famous love stories and poems make them out to be.  And on the other hand,

I can’t help but hold onto this perhaps foolish hope that someday, I will find someone good, someone kind, someone who I might just want to share my life with, for however long that may be.

It’s a conflict that I think a lot of people my age are facing right now as they are constantly witnessing failed marriages juxtaposed side by side with an entire television line up of wedding shows on TLC.

What the hell am I supposed to want?

There are no simple solutions.  I can think of only one right now.

Even though it might get me absolutely nowhere, I’m going to do my damnedest to pursue my ideal.  Not just of love, but of life.  Everyone has this notion that what’s best for most is best for all, or what’s enough for most is enough for all.  That’s simply not true.

And by thinking that there’s something wrong with us because we want more, because we might want a romance, or god forbid, a life on our own—that is how we truly set ourselves up for disappointment and failure.

I’m determined to not lose my faith in romance, or in love, or in the idea that there is so much more in life than either of those things.  I’m not going to compromise.  I’d rather be alone than compromise my ideals, my hopes, and my dreams. Perhaps that’s foolish, or naïve, or idealistic, but I’d much rather look at life with a sense of magic and wonder than simply go through the motions.

I understand you have to work for what you want.  And I plan on doing that.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t expect a fairy tale out of life, I don’t expect a soul mate, or a prince or anything like that—but I do expect great things.  It’s not so black and white—I just want something more than what they’re selling on television and movies.

I want something real.  I want something meaningful.  From both love and life.  And I think, if we all raise our standards in others, and in ourselves we might just find that.
It might not be easy, it might not even be possible—but in my mind, it’s worth it.

Romance isn’t too much to ask for.  We just don’t feel like we should ask.

Is Your Relationship Worth Saving?


“How much real time are you willing to put into saving a relationship?”

I had asked this question at a college where I was a guest speaker on a forum discussing couples and relationships. A young woman in the audience answered my question with a question of her own, “Are you saying some relationships aren’t worth saving?”

The answer is yes and… no. It all comes down to whether you have more positive than negative aspects in that relationship. What exactly is it that you’re trying to salvage and more importantly, is it truly worth the effort?

Think about the word “save”. To save something means that you are trying to salvage what has been damaged or on the brink of loss. When a relationship needs saving, it usually has taken quite a hit and is badly damaged. Whether it is damaged beyond repair is an individual call. You need to know that trying to save a relationship takes just as much time and effort as building one.  Begin by asking yourself a very blunt, no-nonsense question: Just how many of my days and nights am I willing to spend to really save and repair what we once had?

Realistically, if what you once had was a really good situation, a loving relationship that included respect and kindness, then saving it does make sense. Remember that it is a rare couple who has no upsetting problems in their relationship at least once in their lives together. Small damages can be repaired if both partners are willing to work together. And truthfully, that is really the key in this issue; both partners must be committed to make the relationship whole.

Knowing the good you had and desiring to have it again, albeit with a more mature knowledge of each other, is a clear indication that your relationship is important to you and your partner. Working together to rebuild your life is the building block to being successful as a couple. You can overcome the bumps in the road.

But what if your relationship has always been a bit rocky and gotten progressively so as the years have passed? Are you the only partner who wants to save the relationship? That rarely works and most times is a no-win situation. This is especially true if you have a partner involved with substance abuse. Any relationship where abuse is ongoing non-stop or where the other person’s addiction is adversely affecting your life is a relationship you have to think hard and long about saving. If your partner’s drug and alcohol abuse have been escalating to a danger point and he or she refuse to make drastic life changes, are you still willing to still see the relationship as “savable?” To be brutally realistic, in any situation where there is substance abuse, even if your partner is willing to seek help, the road to recovery for any addict is long and emotionally draining. You must decide if you are willing to devote yourself to this recovery process. It is a daunting prospect for any person and you may not want to do it. You are not a “bad” person if you feel you can’t do this; drop the guilt.

Some people hold on to a relationship and a partner out of fear — fear of being alone, financial fear, and fear of the unknown life outside of being a couple. If any of these are your main reasons for trying to save a partnership that is not healthy or good for you, seek counseling to help you overcome those fears. You need advice on what you can do to transition to a new life. Living with fear and an unhappy relationship will take a tremendous toll on your mental and physical health.

Not all relationships are worth saving; some have to be dissolved so that people can get on to a new healthier, happier life. The bottom line is how you see the relationship in terms of the positive and negative effects it has on your quality of life. No one can tell you what you have to do but here’s one bit of advice: A relationship should enhance your life, not become a second full-time job. Is your relationship worth saving?  Only you can be that judge.

Falling Out of Love | Loveawake.com blog


Your heart races, your palms sweat; being together is almost unbearable. The way your body feels is indescribable. You can’t sleep, you won’t eat, and all you do is think about your relationship day and night. Sounds like you’re falling in love.

Wrong! The same emotional and physical manifestations that you feel falling in love are also felt when you’re falling out of love! But…wait!

How do I want my life to be? What do I want now?

Can a person who has “fallen in love” ever  really “fall out of it?” The answer is an unfortunate yes. We’re not talking crushes or just thinking that you are in love. We’re talking the real deal. It seems almost impossible that the same person whom you deeply and sincerely loved can become the guy for whom you no longer have feelings. Falling out of love can be a long slow process or an overnight occurrence but the result is the undeniable – you just don’t feel the same .

What causes this turn-about? Sometimes you realize that you made a mistake in choosing the relationship. The man you fell in love with may no longer be the man he was when you met him. He may have changed in ways that you hadn’t anticipated.

Or maybe it is you who have changed. What you wanted in the past is no longer what you want now. You have grown but he hasn’t grown along with you. He’s content with the status quo and you’re not.

Perhaps he has done something that completely turned off your feelings. Addiction, alcohol, no financial support are all issues that can crush love especially if there is no hope for a positive change.

The reasons for falling out of love are as varied as falling in love. The click is no longer there and as sad as it makes you feel, you know the relationship is over. What can you do about it? The first thing to do is to be practical and ask yourself some serious questions.

  • How do I want my life to be? What do I want now?
  • Am I willing to stay in a relationship that has nothing left for me?
  • Am I doing this for financial reasons? (e.g. rent, shared expenses, etc.)
  • Am I staying for the sex? (e.g. an available partner, familiarity)
  • Can I pretend “forever?”
  • Is being in a relationship, any relationship, worth it just to be “part of a couple?”

And finally, when you have established that there is absolutely nothing at all left to salvage for you ask yourself –

  • How can I end this without causing major hurt to the person I once truly  loved?

Be honest and open with yourself. Jot down why you want to leave and what you plan to do once you’re away from the relationship. Make absolutely sure you’re just “not in a rut.” Relationship ruts can be fixed, lack of love can’t.

Tell him. You owe it to him to let him know that you’re ending the relationship; that’s only fair. But be kind. You don’t want to hurt him any more than is necessary. You once loved him, keep that in mind. You’re not heartless.

Don’t be surprised. He may have fallen out of love with you! Discuss what his feelings are too. Be adult. You may be able to at least be on good terms after everything is over. Don’t discount friendship. A good male friend can be a positive in your life.

After you have left the relationship you may feel happier than you have in a long while. Take the opportunity to enjoy your freedom.

Songs, novels, poetry all attempt to teach us about falling in love. Falling out of love is something we learn on our own.

Is Lasting Love a Thing of the Past?


Last week my parents celebrated a major milestone that fewer and fewer couples seem to be reaching: Their 30th wedding anniversary.

That kind of milestone is no small feat — especially in an era of the 55-hour Britney Spears wedding and the train wreck that became Kim Kardashian’s $10 million nuptials. Her marriage lasted a whole 72 days before she filed for divorce from Kris Humphries.

Every day, though, millions of average folks file for divorce that never make headlines on “Entertainment Tonight.” Fifty percent of marriages, as the oft-quoted statistic indicates, end in divorce.

So what it is that’s allowed my parents to keep their romance going after all of these years?

Like most couples, my parents have had their fair share of fights, blow ups and meltdowns. They grew closer as their own parents died. And when their kids graduated from high school, their marriage was practically reborn, since they were no longer tied to a schedule based around kid-related events.

My parents were 25 when they married and — much to my surprise when I later discovered this — only knew one another for just a few months before becoming engaged and later tying the knot.

One day after their 30th wedding anniversary, I celebrated my 29th birthday — though my father always has enjoyed telling people I was born a day after they were married.

When I turned 25, it was then I realized my life would be completely different from my parents. After college, I focused on finding a job within my career field and wanting a life surrounded by friends. Marriage wasn’t on my radar. It still isn’t on my radar.

I’m not alone, either, as many of my friends have focused their lives on careers, friends, established family, and haven’t given a second thought to tying the knot in the foreseeable future.

One need look no further than the headlines of any newspaper to see reasons why my generation isn’t concerned with marriage. Along with the scarcity of available jobs is the uncertainty of earning a decent wage. For many people my age, it has been difficult to support ourselves. The thought of adding a partner, kids, a house and everything that comes along with that isn’t practical, and sometimes can be a down right frightening prospect.

Sometimes, buying cat food and litter are enough to empty a wallet. I shudder to think of diapers and formula costs.

But even beyond financially supporting a family are a plethora of emotional issues. Generation Y-ers are more independent than their Baby Boomer parents. We like to be free and make decisions that affect just us. Sure, it might seem selfish, but it’s a different world.

That said, Gen Y-ers still are getting hitched — and half of them remain married. Those who find love and begin families are finding it difficult to provide for their family in these uncertain economic times.

For many Baby Boomers, times also were tough. But somehow, my parents made sure we had everything we needed growing up. They still make sure my brother and I are taken care of, and I’m certain always will. It’s what parents do, right?

Growing up, we never went on lavish vacations — trips to Erie, Pa., or amusement parks within a few hours were pretty standard. Sure, as a pre-teen, I grew frustrated when other classmates spent summers at beaches, Disney and all sorts of seemingly exotic places. Then all around me, the parents of classmates and friends begin divorcing.

I recall sitting in a room in middle school with maybe 20 other kids, realizing that I was the only one with parents who still were married. Talk about being a minority!

I’ve probably not told my parents this, but I’m happy … and surprised … their marriage has lasted this long, especially after seeing several of my friends marry and then divorce all within the last several years.

If nothing else, my parents taught me to never give up. That is a lesson lost among Gen Y-ers who fall in love, and rush ahead with blinders on. As soon as the marriage sours, the relationship ends. Given that knowledge, would my parents have been together for my birth one year after their marriage?

It’s hard to know how much societal norms and generational differences affect marriages and other relationships. I think the the baby boomers forged ahead more readily and stuck to their choices, good or bad, once they made big life decisions like who to marry or when to have kids and how many. My generation tends to delay the decisions in the first place, and maybe in some cases, we deliberately make choices different from our parents.

But 30 years together as a couple is remarkable, no matter what generation they grew up in. And while I don’t know if that kind of long-term relationship is in the cards for me, I appreciate and admire not only how they’ve kept their romance alive for so long, but also the hard work and determination that it took them to survive and prosper together.

The Guy’s Guide to Booty Call Texts That Work


Before the advent of text messaging, a guy was prone to drunk-dialing a woman after stumbling home from a crowded bar, desperately trying (and often failing) to persuade her that he wasn’t that drunk, that he had been thinking about her for hours, and that he wanted her to come over and soon! Now, he can also make a fool of himself via whatsapp or viber — but unlike phone calls, texts are discreet. Even when you’re amongst friends, you can text your potential booty and she can respond with a teasing wink or a casual suggestion that you meet later that night. And if you don’t want to play the guessing game, you can always say what you want straight-up by spicing up your message with some dirty talk.

According to a recent survey by Emerans.com that over half the participants have been in a booty call situation before. Perhaps you’re no stranger to booty calls, and maybe you don’t need any convincing about the potential of sexy midnight texts. What you do need to know is how to send a text to your potential “friend with benefits” that will turn your lonely night into a lively and memorable evening between the sheets.

Timing is of the essence.

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How attractive do you think it looks when you drunktext a woman (while probably botching your sentences) moments before dawn? You can’t just spring something like hooking up on someone at the last minute. Truth is, she may have already made plans with another guy. Check in with her beforehand. Text her an hour before you’re headed home, and suggest meeting. Maybe even touch base with her earlier in the afternoon and make your intentions known.

Texting is foreplay.

Sexting and erotic messages sent throughout the day and night can work as amazing foreplay. Once her imagination gets moving, there’s no telling the places it’ll take her (hopefully one of which is your bedroom). Plus, digital foreplay sent back and forth between phones can become ideal for the busy urban professional who may want a happy ending to a seemingly tireless week.

Subtext is golden.

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There are indeed times when you can simply come out and say, “Wanna meet up for some hot sex?” but of course, that’s not always the case. Many women may want some lighthearted banter (as in, less crude language) leading up to the big event. Replace the word “sex” with “play.” Don’t graphically describe a certain position, but instead hint at how much you desire her and how much fun you’ll both have tonight. Use a little discretion, and leave what will happen in the bedroom behind closed doors.

Go with your instincts.

Only you really know how your booty call will react to certain hints and advances in the wee hours of the night. Think about the particular woman you’re texting before you send your suggestion for meeting, and adapt your approach to suit her needs. Obviously, you don’t want to dupe anyone, so play by her rules, especially because you’re the one asking for the midnight rendezvous, after all.

Practice makes perfect.

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Whether you’re a one woman type of guy or you’ve arranged a network of booty calls throughout the region, you need to develop your texting social skills. Every woman is unique, and consequently, they each have their own terms. Some will prefer being blunt (let’s do the nasty!), while others would rather you suggest a movie and a glass of wine to lighten the mood (Last Tango in Paris. Merlot. My place? You game?). Simply put, stick with what works, whomever you’re texting.

Singled out.

Everyone wants to feel special, including you — that’s part of the delight in hooking up, after all. And there’s probably a good reason why you’re trying to meet with the woman you’re texting. Maybe she’s a tiger in the sack, maybe she’s sings an operatic aria when she climaxes that’s music to your ears, or maybe she’s just too cute to resist. Whatever the case, make certain you mention what attracts you to her in particular, and single her out as the specific person with whom you want to share your eventful night.

Honesty is the best policy.

Never trick another person into sleeping with you — everyone knows that’s just sleazy, and you’ll ruin your chances of hooking up again. Even the simplest of lies can lead to a seemingly endless battle of explanations. (What’s this Staples nametag for? I thought you said you were a racecar driver?) For that matter, women are particularly good at smelling a rat, too. If you’re in a relationship or maybe just seeing someone else, be upfront and truthful right away. You’d be surprised how far decency and common courtesy will get you in the long run.

Of course, following the above guidelines is no guarantee of success, but they’ll definitely help you approach the art of sexual texting with some major advantages. All in all, just be yourself and tell her what you want. Avoid whining, begging, and ultimatums — which are obvious mood killers — and don’t pretend like a booty call is anything but just that: meeting for sex. Conversations about the future (whether initiated by you or her) can really put a heavy spin on an otherwise playful encounter. Sure, a saucy text message could lead to the bedroom and then to something more serious, but unless you’re both on the same page, someone will inevitably walk the plank to heartbreak.

Playing Sports with Your Partner


I’m really competitive…Scratch that. I’m overly competitive. My friends don’t even like playing Scrabble with me. I’ve played sports since I could crawl. In fact, when I was a baby, my mom entered me into a crawling race, which I won, because in the middle of the race, I got up and started walking. I ended up getting disqualified for cheating at the mere age of eight months.

When my boyfriend, M.J. (no, not Michael Jordan), suggested we play basketball together, I laughed. Piece of cake, I thought. I imagined myself walking out on the court, dribbling the ball with ease, maneuvering around him, and making each shot with no effort at all. I underestimated the whole scenario though. First of all, I air-balled at least five times before we actually started a real game against each other, and watched in horror as M.J. made every shot.

He looked at me, with a half-smile like, “You didn’t expect me to be good, did ya?”

No, I didn’t. I knew he played sports growing up, but as we started playing our game, he made three-pointers, dribbled quickly in between his legs, and at times I thought he was going to dunk it.

I finally asked, “Did you play basketball in high school or something?”

To which he replied, “Yeah, varsity, and I played in a league in college and when I went to grad school.”

Now I knew why he wanted to play basketball with me. He was showing off, I thought.

Mr. Hot Shot with all the moves. He even started taking it easy on me since it was clear that I had no skills whatsoever. He wouldn’t block me when I tried to shoot or even really tried to get the ball from me.

After each ball bounced off the rim, I got more annoyed and more agitated when he made a shot. I wanted to be happy for him, but I found myself getting upset because I was losing. I hate losing. I especially hated losing to someone that I didn’t expect to be any good.

This is supposed to be fun, right?

We were playing in a public park and a couple of kids were playing on the court next to us, and when I say kids, I mean 5-year-olds. They were better than me and I found no humor in the fact that I sucked.

I had to hide the fact that I was upset. Here I was on a beautiful day in the park, playing basketball with my boyfriend, and all I could focus on was the fact that I kept getting worse and kept falling further behind in points.

It made me wonder; if one is competitive should he or she play sports with their partner? In my experience, yes. Being competitive isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it can be good if the competitiveness isn’t mean-spirited. Of course, I wanted to win, but I started to enjoy watching my boyfriend show me something he is good at doing. We even started to joke during our little match and it got more playful and less serious. It became clear that I wouldn’t win, so why get upset?

I know some couples who just can’t do anything competitive with each other. It brings out the worst in each person and before you know it they’ve broken up over a game of Monopoly.

Competition doesn’t have to be bad, though. In fact, competition in certain ways can be healthy and can bring couples closer together if they compete within the game itself, not against each other. It’s about the game, not about your partner and whether or not he or she is better than you at something. Instead of competing for the glory, compete for something that you both can enjoy with each other at the end of a game. Whether it’s dinner, beer, ice-cream or even the winner having choice of the next flick for movie night, you can both experience pleasure together.

If your competition of choice is sports, you’re also getting the chance to do something healthy with your partner, which is a win-win. It can also enhance your sex life. According to a study at Penn State, researchers found that when women anticipate competition they get a surge of testosterone, which boosts the libido. The same goes for men. Think about that for a moment; both of you win.

Where competition begins to get tricky is when each partner is trying to one-up each other. And, that can carry into other aspects of your relationship, whether it’s who makes more money or who can cook a steak better. Constantly trying to outdo your partner only causes tension and tension is no relationship’s friend.

Fortunately, my boyfriend didn’t make fun of me too much after my display of zero basketball talent. Instead, post-game (I am too ashamed to share the score results), M.J. gave me a shooting lesson. Being open enough to have my boyfriend teach me how to get better at something he just beat me in also brought us closer. There is something extremely sexy about someone who is good at something and as his partner, I want to be supportive of him. We have to accept that each of us have strengths and weaknesses and competition can showcase those traits.

Lucky for me though, I know one competition I won’t lose. When M.J. and I tee it up on the course, he’ll get a taste of what it feels like to get beat by a girl.